Emotional baggage?

They say you shouldn't recycle men, that people break up for a reason. Normally, I would agree with that. But what if it was never a real break up, or even a real relationship... And what if you don't have room in your heart for anymore men. You're not in love with anyone, but you don't really have the strength for it, at least not with someone new. With an old guy, there are very few surprises, you know what to expect. Plus you've already let them in, they already have a place in there. I could meet a guy, enjoy his company, go out with him, maybe more... But I won't be able to care. I miss being the me that could care, could fall in love, sometimes I feel that 'me' has been replaced by the egomaniac me, who likes a challenge, maybe needs to prove a point, but can't really care for anyone new. For me to fall in love again, I would need a high flying alpha male (to satisfy egomaniac me) - and here's the catch - that I can trust. The younger me only needed a nice guy and mutual attraction. Is this long lost naivete and ability to fall wildly, madly, instantly in love irretrievable? I miss it. Although, I no longer beleive in it. Was I was hurt in the past? Time and numerous failed attempts at relationships could have amassed to something resembling hurt. But I've also had my fair share of good experiences, which is more than what many people get in their lifetimes. I'm drained, exhausted by it, exhausted by the attached social and personal expectations of it. New relationships appeal to me about as much as the plague right now. And yet old ones... the sense of comfort that comes with the old ones, the idea of being held by someone who already knows me well, whom I know and already (or still) care about, is substantially more appealing. You may think I'm not entirely over some of the men in my past, and you might be right, but I don't feel like I'm clinging to a lost love, as much as the feelings I had attached to certain individuals that I'm unlikely to redistribute anytime soon...